Constant complaining can actually produce the opposite effect. It drives the addict to a place where he can find solace – football. For some men and no doubt women too, football is a place where they can lose themselves, get away from problems.
To some degree this place to hide is understandable; we all need a break from our worries and a hobby is no bad thing. The problem with football is it is so easy to become lost in the lives of the players and coaches. The ups and downs of their lives control the emotions of the fans. For those with little or no interest in sport this can be hard to appreciate. It can be compared to those who have difficulty separating their lives from the soap operas they watch.
The emotions of the addict are further stretched by the highs and lows of winning or losing; the results are taken personally. Appreciating the extent of the addiction can be daunting. However, the quality of your relationship can vastly improve when the challenge is met with a well thought out approach and realistic expectations.
A direct attack must be resisted. As with most addictions the addict will deny the depth of the problem. Expect to be accused of “blowing things out of all proportion” or “robbing me of the only enjoyment I have in life.” He’s on the defence, and will do all he can to make you feel that your attempt to raise the issue is unreasonable. Remember too, sport fans know the best form of defence is offence.
The “football widow” needs her husband to understand how she feels. Oh it’s true some household chores may have been accomplished by means of persistent ear bashing. But Nagging is a one sided form of communication and is self defeating. If we want someone to listen to us then we have to listen to them. Telling him that “it’s a bunch of men kicking a bag of wind about” is not going to make him see reason.
Choosing the right time to speak is essential. Just before, or during a ยูฟ่าเบท match would obviously be the wrong time, and it might take a considerable amount of patience to find the right time. Unless you are prepared to exercise this patience, don’t expect a good result.
The initial goal is to help him understand your feelings. You want him to try and see things from your point of view; in other words you want sympathy. It’s hard to be sympathetic toward someone who is nagging. Ask how he would feel if you spent an equal amount of time or money on what interests you; now listen without interrupting.
Calmness is the order of the day. Avoid making accusations or reminding him of times when he let you down. Resist (hard as it may be) using this as an opportunity to list other areas where he leaves much to be desired. Stick to the problem – football.
Using someone else’s husband or boyfriend as a good example will only cause resentment – who of us likes being unfavourably compared to others? Should you unwittingly find yourself going down this road, stop, acknowledge it’s a mistake.